unicorn_cocks (unicorn_cocks) wrote in xmaselfbookclub,

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"The little French girl had been enjoying herself, watching the excited English girls. . ."

Hah. All right, I'm technically being a bit wobbly and not posting about Kierkegaard (SORRY) but I haven't finished it yet. So, instead have decided to rant about one of those charming little girls' boarding school books that shaped my worldview when I was about eight. Vida, you probably secretly read this. If not, you should secretly read them now.

Like most boarding school books, this one has the usual cast of stock characters-
Jolly British Tomboy(s)
Jolly British Twins
Amusing French Girl
Amusing French Girl's Sister
Artsy Girl
Wannabe Artsy Girl
Spoiled Blonde Girl (Named Angela, in this case, although I've seen Annabella's and Arabella's too)
Follower of Spoiled Blonde Girl
Assorted Young Schoolgirls

The plot is irrelevant, because there isn't one. Spoiled Blonde Girl does some mean things to some Assorted Young Schoolgirls, Artsy Girl is sent home to be less artsy, the Amusing French Sisters make Spoiled Blonde Girl eat shoe polish, the Jolly British Tomboys learn to be more sensitive, and the Jolly British twins get made Head Girl, jointly. There are also many vaguely pornographic discussions between schoolgirl chums. This book is wonderful, because of the writing style and fantastic literary value of course, but mostly because of the Life Lessons it teaches, namely-

If your name starts with an A, you're going to be spoiled and nobody will like you
When in doubt, be Jolly (and preferably Twins)
Being too artsy will get you sent home (I'm looking at you, Vida)
You can't get in trouble for making people eat shoe polish
If you are French, you take it up the ass

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